In the spirit of the Internet, and things not coming across right without verbal inflection, I thought I’d fill in some details.
My mother died to me in August, when she invited a known thief and source of severe anxiety into my home earlier this year. I fled from my own home – which is supposed to feel safe. My mother knew this other family member is a source of anxiety, as on a previous visit she saw me shaking at the dinner table in their presence. A mother to me is someone who protects their children from harm, including emotional harm. She failed to do that, even though she knew better.
My paraffin that I use to clean the paint brushes also went missing when I fled. I am led to believe the money thief also took this by my former mother, but whether she is telling the truth or not I don’t know.
Also in relation to family mistreatment, the paedophile from my childhood also assaulted my mother. It took my Dad ten years – ten years – to realise it was best if my Dad visited him, rather than bringing the paedophile to a house with children in it. I believed – truly believed – that as my mother knew what it was to be abused in her own home, that she would learn an block other abusers.
Hopefully my mother will come back to me, by never inviting the current family mis-treater into my home again, even if I happen to be away. Especially at Christmas. It is much better for me to heal if I am safe in the knowledge my home is free from such people. Sadly, it seems my mis-treater doesn’t want my former mother either, as the bed high enough for her to stay in is blocked by other stuff.
I doubt my anxiety inducing family member has any respect left for me. If they did, they would never come here again in my lifetime, and decline any invite.
I told my former mother in August that I was away for Christmas. That is just over two months notice to use her own initiative to make sure she was with people at Christmas, rather than waiting for other people to do it for her. I hope she doesn’t give up her independence as quickly as her own mother did. I got no notification whatsoever that the new mis-treater was coming, when I fled.
With regards to tradition, I am in the process of doing things that I enjoy, and looking back perhaps seeing a tradition of things I do every year. I don’t want to do things because I’ve done them before, as it traps me in an unhappy ritual. Christmas here has changed over the years in many regards. My childhood tree was green with lots of spaces in the gaps, so it was a wonder to peer inside at the decorations. Currently it’s a white tree which you can only surface decorate. The tinsel across the ceiling in the front room used to have rainbow coloured decorations hanging from it, and now it is all turquoise. I don’t have stockings any more. We used to have foil hanging decorations. There are other changes, but this illustrates a point.
I doubt I’ll watch A Muppet Christmas Carol ever again without vomiting.
A 32 year tradition? As you’ve called yourself Disgusted, I’m going to call you that if I have the misfortune of meeting you. Chances are you’re family to say that number.
With regards to a shining example, the context was expressing gratitude. The context was not double standards. There are a lot of double standards mentioned in the post, as I’m trying to fathom why someone’s behaviour is so confusing to me, and sometimes detrimental.
Here’s my gratitude – thanks for the opportunity to clarify some points in the previous post.